Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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