I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
