i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
