It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
