Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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