I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the night ended with taco bell and tears
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
