I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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