Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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