She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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