Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
