That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
