I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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