4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
is it fun? or sober?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
