Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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