Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
