I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
