Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
farters have to be the big spoon...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
