You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I look better un-naked...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
