im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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