Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
