areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that's an acceptable place to lick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
