Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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