real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
