three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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