i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
