He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
