I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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