I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
