He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
