We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
