no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
