I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
