i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Boobs speak an international language.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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