You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize