I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
