She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
