Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
