U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
