They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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