Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
