Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
