It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
