too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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