I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
