There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
