Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
