Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
