I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
