oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
