Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
