Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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