hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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