Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Randomize
