im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Shame - the story of my life.
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