can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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