I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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