So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
