Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
