she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
