I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
