Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
