Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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