like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
