i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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