My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
