didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
