and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
