He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
