And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This baby is an asshole
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
