He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
