Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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