connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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