nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
