started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
