another moral hangover. fuck.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We left the knife in your bed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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