She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm way too hungover for life right now
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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