I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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