If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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