So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize