I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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